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Romelu Lukaku SPENDS MONEY on a JUMPER

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Will football ever recover?

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Vaquera - Runway - September 2017 - New York Fashion Week
A jumper, several days ago.
Photo by Albert Urso/Getty Images

Some incredible breaking news, which is going to change the way we think about Manchester United, Romelu Lukaku, and jumpers. Apparently, United striker Lukaku spent £1,000 on a jumper. He wantonly wore a jumper on the TOP HALF of his body and ATE a MEAL of LUNCH. Will this madness ever end?

Jose Mourinho is considering how to cope with Paul Pogba’s injury. He has injured his calf, and could be out of action between four and six weeks. There are two obvious replacements. Both of them are cloggers. Both of them have largely underperformed expectations. But both of them are loved by Mourinho for their ability to carry out plans and interfere with the opposition, and to that you have to say fair enough. Ander Herrera and Marouane Fellaini are the two under consideration.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with Manchester United, but Mark Sampson really does seem like the kind of man you don’t want anywhere near a women’s football team, or a football team in general.

Megan Rapinoe and Alex Morgan have joined Juan Mata’s Common Goal pledge, where they give 1% of their wages to charity. Mats Hummels and 12 other international players have also signed up to do the same. Mata’s free transfer move to Manchester City at the end of the season is really going to sting.

This doesn’t necessarily have an impact on the weekend, and we should never forget the curse of the ex, but Wayne Rooney’s Everton are struggling, and they are in part struggling because he is absolutely awful at football at the moment. They lost 3-0 to Atalanta last night in the Europa League, and have been battered by Spurs, too.

There’s been some disquiet about Mourinho’s disappointment in Andreas Pereira’s loan move to Valencia, but the midfielder doesn’t seem overly fussed:

"I look at the positives. If I thought negatively those comments could have hurt me but for me it's something good. I spoke to him before I came and I wanted to work hard and stay the whole year. I'm focused on Valencia.

"I want to give my all and do the best I can in order to be at Valencia the whole year. I was told that I was going to play here a year and I want to remain here a year."

Right, that’s your lot. Sling it.