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Phil Jones ditches UEFA appeal

Jones will no longer worry about those ****ers.

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England v Slovakia - FIFA 2018 World Cup Qualifier
Photo by Stu Forster/Getty Images

If there is a watchword that you associate with Liverpool, it is no doubt this: dignity. Dignity is what both defines and motivates the club. There is no club more measured, and in tandem with that, knowledgeable. They are calm, insightful and full of the joys of fair play and the beautiful game. Except when it comes to Henrikh Mkhitaryan and FIFA 18. I mean, what?

It comes to something when ex-Manchester United players are mentioned here because nothing is going on. It comes to something when it’s actually about football-related stuff, even, because really it is of no relevance. But would we ever sink to the level of an ex-Manchester United being in the news simply because he has bought a car? Yes, absolutely we would.

Now, this isn’t necessarily anything to do with Manchester United, but absolutely nothing is, really, this week. So that means we have to get our kicks where we can find them. And what is funnier, then, than West Ham’s charming owners being in the news as they’re insulted? What is funnier, then, is that they were called, ‘the Dildo brothers’ by the Sporting Lisbon chairman.

My dear friend Will Unwin has interviewed Oliver Gill, the son of David Gill. Oliver played briefly for United as a reserve, and never quite cracked the first team. Rather than drop down the leagues, he decided he’d prefer to go and do something else. Well done, Will.

Phil Jones will no longer be appealing his ban for calling UEFA anti-doping officials, ‘****ers.’ That means he’ll be sitting out a ban for the first Champions League group game. For those of a sensitive disposition, the first starred-out letter is an EFF, not a more offensive and inventive CEE.

And while late to bringing your attention to this, it’s not like you can sack me: there’s a snippet of Roy Keane almost joining FC United of Manchester after his Old Trafford exit here.