Romelu Lukaku matches Harry Kane’s rating in FIFA 18

As already covered on this site, United voted against the changes to the Premier League transfer window. However, The Guardian have also been able to point out that if this is taken as a unilateral decision, then it is an excellent way for clubs to handicap themselves against their European rivals.

Manchester United are in danger of pulling an Arsenal. Daley Blind and Luke Shaw might be two of the worst left-backs they have had in the Premier League - worse than Alexander Buttner, for instance - but they are going to be out of contract in the summer. So are Ander Herrera and Juan Mata, who are both definitely going to join Manchester City on a free transfer in 2018. You can read about the best players who might be available on a Bosman here.

Here’s an early preview of Stoke City vs United. It’s a late kick-off, and there’s a chance that United could slip up against the best side that they’ll have played this season. In truth, though, Stoke are a relatively awful side, and United should have the measure of clowns like them. Just hope that Charlie Adam doesn’t get near any of our players, and that Peter Crouch has a back strain.

More chaos and dissent in the Manchester United dressing room. This was always going to happen with Jose Mourinho, a man known for starting fights more often than prematurely shaking hands towards the end of a match. He’s just an utter cee of a man, devoid of all empathy, as everyone had written before his appointment. He is so awful that Romelu Lukaku has called him, ‘a family man’, and talked of how approachable he is. Oh.

Speaking of Lukaku, and the world being barely comprehensible: fans are somehow annoyed about his FIFA rating in comparison to Harry Kane’s. I wish the Lord would take me now!