DONE DEAL: Alexis Sánchez joins Manchester United

And it’s happened. Alexis Sánchez has joined Manchester United from Arsenal, with Henrikh Mkhitaryan heading the other way. We don’t know the money in any official sense, but we do have a little video with a piano. Isn’t that nice?

Leaving the money aside, the move strengthens United’s squad considerably. United have acquired a dynamic, versatile, destructive attacking force, who is proven in the Premier League performer and looks tailormade for Mourinho-ball. Admittedly, he’s had a bit of a sulk on for the last six months, but there’s a decent chance that can be ascribed to his continued presence at a slowly rotting Arsenal.

Presumably his wages are pretty big by United’s standards, a ridiculous amount by almost everybody else’s within football, and utterly unconscionable by any ‘real world’ measurement. But then, football isn’t the real world, and if it wasn’t going on players it would be going to the Glazers. And they’re no fun at all, whereas Sánchez could be brilliant.

What a strange business this all is. Two weeks ago, nobody was even thinking about this. One week ago, it looked like Manchester United were going to try the old “oh well, we tried” manoeuvre. And yet by the time deal actually happened, the hand-wringing won’t-somebody-think-of-the-children editorials were already floating around. Give him a few weeks, and he’ll be responsible for Brexit, pineapple on pizza, and killing Bambi’s mother. Delicious.