Manchester United now most successful English club in Champions League thus far

Manchester United are in the doldrums in many respects. The executive vice-chairman is a total clown, the owners care nothing for the club beyond the money it sends them, and neither the players nor the manager care enough about United to make any positive difference. It’s a miserable waste of time. In that context, a change to introduce gender-neutral toilets seems like unexpected news, but it could improve the lives of those who want it enormously. There will probably be some upset from the more reactionary and conservative members of society, and that’s how you can work out that it’s definitely the right thing to do.

In the discussion before Tuesday’s Champions League game against Valencia, Jose Mourinho spent 45 minutes going over the mistakes made in the match with West Ham on Saturday. This apparently went on for twice as long as was anticipated, which is fair enough: the performance was twice as dreadful as most of the recent doggerel served up for us to endure. This apparently a sign that the club is descending into chaos, but most things are at this point.

Roy Keane has accurately pegged United’s players as a bunch of feckless wastrels who cannot be bothered to try on the pitch because they’re upset with the manager. There’s little to argue with here, in fact there’s nothing to argue. The fact remains that putting Keane anywhere in charge of the club would be a disaster, because most players are little different these days

Liverpool’s defeat to Napoli now means that United have in fact made the best start of any English club to the Champions League groups. Does that mean that, actually, Mourinho is leading us to a new wave of glory?

And lastly, Paul Pogba claims he has been banned from speaking to the press, which is for the best.