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Mourinho speaks!

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Doesn’t say anything particularly interesting!

Valencia v Manchester United - UEFA Champions League Group H Photo by Dan Mullan/Getty Images

Jose Mourinho has released a statement addressing his dismissal from Manchester United. Not to us, we’re far too cool to get these emails, but the papers have his statement and thus, by magic, so do we. Here it is, with thanks to the Independent:

I have been immensely proud to wear the badge of Manchester United since the first day I arrived, and I believe all United supporters recognise this. Just as was the case with my previous clubs, I have worked with some wonderful people and I believe that some will be my friends for life.

What’s the over/under on Christmas cards from United’s squad to Mourinho? We’re going to go with a conservative 10. (Also we don’t really understand how over/unders work. Please don’t shout at us.)

I know that you are all aware of my professional principles. Each time a chapter is closed I show my deepest respect and I don’t make any comments about my former colleagues.

... so this feels, instinctively, like nonsense, and yet we can’t actually think of any specific examples of Mourinho going in on former colleagues. Former opponents? Yes. All the time. At great length.

Anyway, we’re sure you can all dredge something up, but until then, we’re going to choose to run with this. Respect, Jose. On you go.

I hope the media will also respect my position and let me live my normal life until the moment I decide to return to football.

Oh dear. Not a chance, mate.

Merry Christmas.

And to you too!