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Manchester United to bring in Harry Maguire - report

Actually capable of standing up.

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Manchester City v Leicester City - Premier League
Pictured not being awful
Photo by James Williamson - AMA/Getty Images

Good (?) news for Manchester United. After being subjected to the most gruesome central defensive pairing in modern football history, things will become potentially slightly less bad. Argentine tattoo platform Marcos Rojo has said he is ‘100% ready’ to return to first team action after his serious knee injury. He was looking less horrendous under Jose Mourinho than he had under Louis van Gaal and, let’s be realistic, an animatronic cat would be an upgrade on both Phil Jones and Chris Smalling, even if all the batteries were taken out, and the cat was on fire.

The Premier League have found it a little harder to shift the TV deal this time around. They’ve got almost £4.5bn in so far, but two of the seven packages are up for grabs. Midweek and Bank Holiday games are up for grabs, and there’s a chance that a minor deal could be a good way to introduce some of the digital companies, rather than seeing them go full-header into the business.

Are we forever doomed to be elated and then despondent as Manchester United fluctuate between fourth and second until the end of the season, ascribing meaningless insight into a few places in the league? Yes, we almost certainly are, and it’s a tiresome old business. The time now is for next season’s preparation and the Champions League. The Telegraph offer up five talking points about this guff.

Mancheter United might have to give Manchester City a guard of honour on April 7th, depending on how the title race goes before then. We could hope this would stir United into action for next season, but let’s be honest, it won’t.

And after watching twin fools and absent brain trust Phil Jones and Chris Smalling, Jose Mourinho has decided that Harry Maguire is the man, to line up alongside that animatronic cat.