Generic Samuel Umtiti Manchester United headline

Manchester United midfielder Paul Pogba gave the usual non-committal answer over his future, which is the closest he’s come to saying he wants out. There’s no real serious rumour that he wants to go, and for now we can ignore it, but it’s one on from his usual happiness in front of the camera. He was very good against Swansea City - as the rest of the side were - for the first half. If the team ever manage to try for two consecutive halves, then we might start to see something impressive on the pitch. We can but hope.

Samuel Umtiti’s transfer negotiations continue to include Manchester United’s name as he angles for a pay rise to stay in Spain. He has said that other players are interested in him, and the poor love is only on £50,000 a week. United are apparently willing to treble his wages if he wishes to lower himself to life at Old Trafford, but that move would allow him to buy many, many terraced houses in Kendal with his wages, should he wish to become a buy-to-let landlord. Let’s be honest, he’ll keep his money for longer that way.

As I scrape the battle for news on a Bank Holiday, here’s story from about three weeks ago that Manchester United fans are getting royally screwed from the Football Association (not the FA, because that’s fewer words and doesn’t help the word count - this aside does, though), with more price rises. It gets harder to justify an interest in football every single day, and yet here we are, trapped by our formative years and desperate wish to belong to anything, whatever it is.

Jose Mourinho has said that United are the best of the rest, which accurate and depressing. Still, only a quarter of a billion pounds to be spent and that might change.

Bringing my barely disguised cry for a help to an end, Ander Herrera wants to stay at Old Trafford for a long time.