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Death is coming to us all

Read the small print on your cone-tract

Manchester United v Swansea City - Premier League
David de Gea
Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images

Exciting news, as Jose Mourinho says that he wants to finish in second place. There is nothing more glamorous than Manchester United’s manager getting all antsy about the fact that the season has ended up a pretty depressing one. Bullishness for the future is one thing, but bullishness over the whole season turning into a wet and split balloon doesn’t augur well for the next season. Still, it’s not like there isn’t more low-hanging fruit to deal with to get some easy improvement.

The Telegraph have absolutely nothing of merit in its pages, but at least they aren’t running an anti-semitic conspiracy theory today. I hope. It’s 50-50 to be honest, with the British press these days.

In The Mirror, there’s something which technically counts as news. Michael Carrick turned up on the bench for United as a coach, which is a sign of things to come. The good news is that Carrick can’t be any less effective off the pitch than he has been for the last five years on it. Also present was Zuca Mourinho, who I assume would offer more tactical insight than Carrick can manage, given Carrick was never able to work out how to track a runner in midfield.

More exciting than Michael Carrick’s tactical acumen is news that David de Gea is set to sign a new contract at Old Trafford. They will offer the Spanish international goalkeeper wages of £350,000 a week in order to turn down a better city and club offered by Real Madrid. This solves at least one potential CRISIS for Mourinho this summer.

Paul Pogba was in the Team of the Week for ESPN, which is nice of them. Pogba played pretty well against Swansea City at the weekend, and I hope we can get back to transfer tittle tattle soon.