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Mourinho loves Pogba! Everybody’s happy at Manchester United!

Anybody who says otherwise is telling massive lies!

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Worry not, dear Busby Bambinos. Ignore the papers, ignore the radio, ignore the television. Ignore us. Because Jose Mourinho is here to set the record straight about himself, and about Paul Pogba, and whatever animosity there may be between the two.

Or not, as it goes. Because today at his pre-game press conference Manchester United’s manager opened his mouth and the following words fell out:

The truth is we have been together for two years, and a couple of weeks, and I’ve never been so happy with him as I am now. That’s the truth. I cannot demand more from him, I cannot ask more from him.

Pretty clear stuff there (unless you want to be really picky and start thinking about how “never been so happy” doesn’t actually mean “very happy”, and could just mean “a little bit less furious”).

He then went on to develop this theme, praising Pogba’s willingness to play (and play well!) against Leicester despite only having only recently returned from the World Cup. Which he won.

He came here on Monday, he trained for three days, I asked for his support, for his contribution in an important match for us, when the team had difficulties. He did it, he did it better and for more time than we could expect. When he says he did it for the fans and for the team, it’s exactly what I want. It’s exactly what I demand from my players, it is what he is giving me.

And that was th— oh wait, no, there was a bit more.

He’s working extremely well here. But, I have to say, in his defence, write what you want about him, write what you want about me, but please don’t say lies. Please don’t put him in a situation where people can think that he’s not a polite, educated guy, which he is.

He’s very polite, he’s very educated, he never had a fight with me. We never had a warm or hard, I don’t know how you like to say, exchange of words. Everything is respected. I have no problems at all.

Presumably “warm” there means “heated” rather than, you know, affectionate. But either way, let this be the end of it. Until he has a bad game. Or Mourinho drops him for no reason. Or both. So ... late September? Sounds right to us. Onward to Brighton.