RUMOUR: Manchester United are trying to buy Diego Godín

Nonsense! Finally, some proper nonsense! According to Sky Sports News, Manchester United are making a late bid for a central defender ... and it’s only Diego Flippin’ Godín.

You may know Godín from his work with Atlético Madrid, or his work with Uruguay. You may recall him as a central defender of frankly intimidating commitment and hustle, a beautiful terror built from wire and gristle and sweat, powered by one of the generation’s sharpest defensive brains. You may be quite excited about this idea.

Anyway, here’s some analysis:

Reasons this move would make sense for Manchester United

• At 32, Godín isn’t one for the future, but he’s arguably the best central defender in the world right now. Obviously players over 30 can suddenly decline, but was as good as ever for Atletico last season and Uruguay over the summer.
• He’s also definitely better than every other central defender United have right now (and probably will be after his legs go, too).
• The search for a senior central defender isn’t just about experience, it’s also about establishing a lineage. Two years supporting and understudying somebody like Godín can only make Bailly and Lindelof better; at least, if they’re paying attention. And if they’re not, then they’re not real central defenders. He’s an artist.
• It would be really fun.

Reasons this move would make sense for Diego Godín

• He will be paid an awful lot of money.

Reasons this move would make sense for Atlético Madrid

• They will be paid an awful lot of money.

We’re calling this 3/10 on likelihood, which is a shame. Oh, how we want to be wrong.