International week begins to sap our patience already

You can tell it’s international week, because the kinds of stories that are being reported are even duller than usual. With that introduction having hooked you into the rest of the article, let’s get to the meat of things.

Romelu Lukaku is no longer a Mino Raiola client. Instead, he has joined up with Jay Z’s talent agency, as he branches out from being extraordinarily rich and successful to being even more extraordinarily rich and successful. It’s a bold strategy - let’s see if it pays off. Lukaku has had an indifferent start to the season, but seems one of the soundest people in sport, so he’ll probably get back to decent form and improve from there. Remember, international week.

Marcus Rashford has also had a poor start to the season, though he did land a mild headbutt on Phil Bardsley, so it’s not all bad. He will miss some games because of that enjoyable radge, but should feature in the Champions League in the meantime. For England, he seems likely to start the game against Spain, which should give him the chance to regain some form.

Good news! John Terry will not be reunited with Jose Mourinho, at United anyway. He is signing for Spartak Moscow to earn almost £2m for a year’s work. Antonio Conte sorted him out with what will likely be his final playing job. What a weird move, and a bullet dodged.

The tedious Paul Pogba is continuing to guff on about a move, then complain he’s not talking about a move, before he will obviously discuss a move in another week or so. He could be a brilliant player, and occasionally is, but he doesn’t seem interested in making that happen at Old Trafford, so time to work out who to replace him with and resolve not to bother with Mino Raiola again.