Ole Gunnar Solskjaer screams into the abyss: “I think Marcus would be okay”

Manchester United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer could give Alexis Sanchez his first start since Jose Mourinho’s sacking.

United will play Newcastle United at St James’ Park at 8pm Brexit Time tomorrow evening, and one player who is definitely out is Eric Bailly, who sent off for impressive daftness against Bournemouth when he cleaned out Ryan Fraser.

Phil ‘Where am I?’ Jones will start in central defence, probably, with Victor Lindelof leading the defence. Matteo Darmian is on hand to provide cover. Twin dashed hopes Marcos Rojo and Chris Smalling are still effed and knacked.

Solskjaer said two defenders were plenty, so get off his back ffs: “That’s enough isn’t it? It should be enough with two! We’ll have to look at it, of course, but we’ve got Darmian, who can definitely play centre-back. I don’t think Rojo will make it so it will probably be Darmian as back-up centre-back.”

Chilean Instagram influencer Sanchez could also be back said Norwegian physical presence Solskjaer: “Alexis has had some great training sessions over the last few days and wanted to be here [against Bournemouth] as well but we’ve had to manage him.

“He’s been out for a month. He will be involved [at Newcastle], yes.

”He wants to play all the time, he’s one of those characters. He made himself available but I think it was a few days too early for him. He’s not had enough fitness work but he is champing at the bit.

“I think Alexis is a player that would benefit from the interchanging, rotation and movements and, of course, more chances. If we create more chances and get the ball in the final third, he will be an asset for us. On the floor, in between or in behind, I think he’s looking forward to it. Certainly, it’s looked like it in the session the other day when he scored quite a few nice goals and that was encouraging.”

The interim manager also filled out the rest of the article by saying this about Marcus Rashford: “I think Marcus would be okay.

“He’s been working so hard and has been a bit tired. But I think he will be alright [for Newcastle]. I hope so.”

Happy New Year. It is a blessing to be with you all in 2019.