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Manchester United want Christian Eriksen, and instructions on how to kill a crab before cooking it

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Yep

Tottenham Hotspur Official Training & Press Conference
RUN
Photo by Di Yin/International Champions Cup/Getty Images

Manchester United are interested in Christian Eriksen, the Tottenham Hotspur midfielder, and as I start to write this section of the sentence I realise I am so bored and depressed that I really do not know how to complete the rest of this blog to the required word count.

It’s hard to imagine how to get to 300 words without rambling on about all sorts. We could talk about some stuff that I have found out over the last few days, or years.

First up: How do you kill a crab? Well, you position it on a steady work surface, and pierce it’s body straight down, towards the front of the body. Next, you cut its face off. That is how you kill a crab to prepare it culinarily, but I suppose you could kill one in all kinds of ways if you really wanted to a) be creative and b) get arrested for animal cruelty. Do not kill crabs.

Here is the second bit of absolute guff: Did you know that on a sunny day or otherwise, it is no more hot in the shade than in the sun? That’s because the added heat you believe you are feeling is the body reacting to the radiation from the sun’s rays, and that makes you feel it is much warmer.

Anyway, the Daily Mail says that Manchester United want to be kept abreast of the availability of Eriksen, because Spurs could sell him for £70 million as he is in the last year of his contract at White Hart Lane, I mean Wembley, I mean the London Stadium (?). You can read more about that on the Daily Mail website here.