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Manchester United players as American fast food items

Phil Jones is a Sloppy Joe. Way too messy, and not as good as you thought.

United Kingdom - Manchester - Manchester United Versus Manchester City Football Match Photo by Colin McPherson/Corbis via Getty Images

Does this article even need an introduction? This is objective, peer-reviewed, scientific analysis. We here at The Busby Babe will be taking no further questions at this time, but feel free to argue amongst yourselves in the comments.

Bruno Fernandes

2. Fried Chicken Sandwich at Popeye’s
What a debut.
Nick Kindelsperger/Chicago Tribune/Tribune News Service via Getty Images

The Popeye’s Fried Chicken Sandwich: New on the scene, and came with massive expectations. But the hype is real: it has reinvigorated the franchise. Does it have staying power? Remains to be seen.

Paul Pogba

Top drawer
Photo by PAUL J. RICHARDS/AFP via Getty Images

The Five Guys Cheeseburger: Probably overpriced, but actually excellent. Needlessly and endlessly divisive. Its detractors will tell you that there are better options out there for better value, and that it doesn’t all live up to the hype. Its defenders will tell you that there’s a reason it’s so highly rated.

Eric Bailly

If only it could be available year-round...
Photo credit should read PAUL J. RICHARDS/AFP via Getty Images

The McDonald’s McRib: Very good. In high demand. Typically only available for a limited time.

Jesse Lingard

Exploring Southern California’s Westwood Village
Are we sure this is a thing?
Photo by George Rose/Getty Images

The In-N-Out Burger Secret Menu: You heard about its existence (his goal scoring ability) but can't actually see it.

David de Gea

burrito with smokey chipotle chicken
Quality may have dropped off recently, but still class
Photo by David Sutton/South China Morning Post via Getty Images

The Chipotle Burrito: Consistently good with a lot of different elements that make it unique to its peers. But, occasionally, something will spill out of the back even when you have a hand on it.

Harry Maguire

Photo by Gerald Matzka/picture alliance via Getty Images

The McDonald’s 10-Piece McNugget: No flash. Just consistent as hell even during — wait for it — DIPS in form. You can rely on this whenever you need it.

Andreas Pereira

Taco Bell Menu Items, Headquarters And Restaurant Shoot
“Lemme get a...uhhhh...”
Photo by Joshua Blanchard/Getty Images for Taco Bell

The Taco Bell Mexican Pizza: Always, always, ALWAYS a choice made when you’re out of other options or you’re under the influence.

Fred’s 2020 season

Taco Bell Menu Items, Headquarters And Restaurant Shoot
52 million pounds sterling
Photo by Joshua Blanchard/Getty Images for Taco Bell

Taco Bell’s Mountain Dew Baja Blast: Unbelievably cool and refreshing.

Juan Mata

US billionaire investor Warren Buffett (
There is no such thing as a good billionaire.
Photo credit should read FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP via Getty Images

The Dairy Queen Blizzard: Always been something a luxury item, but was once genuine top quality. These days though, you should really limit how often you indulge in it.

Alexis Sánchez

Skyline Chili neon sign.
Even Cincinnati deserves better than this.
Photo by: Jeffrey Greenberg/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

The Skyline Chili 3-Way: Genuinely the worst thing in the world. Seemed like a good idea at first, but causes immediate, painful regret.