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Age of Aquarius: Let the ten Hag in

An astrological analysis of the new man in charge...

Manchester United Players Return for Pre-Season Photo by Ash Donelon/Manchester United via Getty Images

I love and hate how much time I’m thinking of and concerning myself with Manchester United in this off season. Adding to the obsession is now our new manager, Erik ten Hag. So far, he seems like a quiet, intelligent person with a plan, But I’m nosy and way too curious on who he’ll end up being. I think I’m just so mad at how disappointing the whole club was last season in particular that’s making me feel like I need to just move on quickly into this newest thing. I’ve been thinking a lot about Man United lately. Rationally, I shouldn’t have any substantial expectations for next season. I’m still furious with myself for watching every match. Truthfully, I haven’t had any fun with anything United related in way too long. So, I had a silly little idea. Self-care can look like anything!

Consistently, I wake up in the morning, and I catch up on the non-news of the current off season, then check my astrology app. It’s a fascinating topic that I used to laugh at, but now I can’t get through the day without the tether of the app telling me what planet I should shout at this week. So, I googled “Erik ten Hag ‘’ and thought, why not combine my two hobbies if they’re already up there taking up too much space in my head anyway? Let’s distract ourselves from reality and head into the stars. Have you stopped reading yet? Very basically, astrologers see the picture of the sky at time of your birth as who you are at your core, if you believe in it of course. My mom and I are always saying, “The moon is up to something this week!!!” everytime we don’t feel well, and we’re not NOT wrong.

I’m going to focus on EtH’s Sun (energy), Moon (emotions), and Venus (passion) placements. Like myself, he’s an Aquarius. I’m not an astrology expert, but having lived inside my own air sign brain for 31’s pretty weird, but pretty fun in there! Misunderstood geniuses, we all are.

With his Aquarius Sun, EtH could prove to be controlled, with a front-facing trepidation. Someone that, while knowing what can go wrong, (hopefully) is always trying to win anyway. If this proves true, it’s exciting to imagine what the future seasons will bring. Anything is better than lackluster, emotionless trash. Stability is key going forward on and off the pitch. Maybe we’ll even have a midfield again!

EtH’s Moon is in Sagittarius. Meaning, he could be fiercely independent. From what we’ve learned so far about him, that might be the case. He could find value in seeing the world, and love meeting new people and things. A man with a Moon in Sagittarius might appear to thrive at sporting tasks. What a fabulous coincidence for my little investigation! For him there could be a target that needs to be defeated or destroyed.

And he can carry that bow into a proverbial battle. As EtH mentioned during one of his first press conferences, eras always come to an end. In the best outcome, EtH is able to bring a group together that fights for him and by him, and we get to welcome beautiful soccer back to OT. And I can stop arguing so much at my TV like it’s going to acknowledge me.

Lastly, EtH’s Venus is in Aquarius. The mind of an inventor and the intellect and vocabulary of a humorless professor. Analytical, but feeling emotions nonetheless. I don’t hate that sound of that when it comes to what needs to get done. Possibly, for him all things new and developmental can be pondered and explored. Existing in this is the potential of an ever-evolving philosophy for the whole club. A man with this placement might thirst for/have the ability to absorb knowledge and theory, despite appearing serene and collected. Maybe a little standoffish, but it comes from a place of empathetic observation. It’s complete guess work if EtH would exhibit this, but it’s a passion that could help United. We play for now, but always for the future, and always for the greater good of the group. A stoic figure on the sideline, and fire through philosophy on the pitch.

I love astrology. I appreciate it now, value it, and it’s always really enjoyable to dive into. I love trying to anticipate the person our new manager is, and how he’ll affect our (sadly) sleeping giant. It doesn’t hurt to imagine.

For now, back to my little hobbies and none of my chores…