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Vidal rules out United move, unless he doesn't

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Extremely important transfer update! No, wait! Come back!

David Ramos

Before we proceed with chapter 427 of the Saga of Vidal, we draw your attention to the following facts. One of Arnold Muhren's middle names was "Hyacinthus", and wombat shit is cuboid. We do this to demonstrate that this world can, at times, be a fascinating place containing interesting information. Hold on to that thought, then, as we approach the news that Arturo Vidal has ruled out a move to Manchester United.

Maybe.

Perhaps.

Depending on who you ask and how they tell it.

Basically, somebody with a microphone ran up to Arturo Vidal at an airport and asked if he was going to Manchester, and he said "no, no". Opinions differ on whether he said "no, no" in a "don't be ridiculous" sort of a way, or in a manner more suggestive of "no, no, no, get out of my face you stupid man, I'm in an airport, I'm tired, I'm jetlagged, I've just sat through a Vince Vaughn film that wasn't Swingers, and if you come any closer I will brain you with this giant Toblerone".

The fact that he then said he was joining Lazio — presumably a joke — might be a hint towards the latter, but we're starting to lose the will to live. Tune in tomorrow for an exciting report on the universe's slow march towards heat death.