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Atlético Madrid "won't sign" United striker

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Contrary to rumours, United's Javier Hernández will not be joining Diego Simeone's Spanish champions.

Michael Steele

Poor Javier Hernández. Apparently unwanted at Manchester United, the diminutive legume is also not wanted by Atlético Madrid. Though the squad of the La Liga champions has been enthusiastically pillaged by Chelsea, United's occasional supersub will not be moving to Spain.

Indeed, it's not clear if anybody will. Club president Enrique Cerezo has, in one fell swoop, killed four perfectly innocent transfer rumours stone-dead. Speaking to Radio Marca, he said:

Many names have been mentioned, but none of those players, neither [Arsenal's Santi] Cazorla, [Napoli's Jose] Callejon, [Chelsea's Fernando] Torres nor [down at the bottom of the garden's] Chicharito are on our agenda. If we sign another player, it won't be any of them.

A transfer market bloodbath. It's looking increasingly as though Hernández may end up staying in the Premier League. Southampton are apparently interested, and surely one or two others can find space for him. After all, when he's in the right mood, he's really quite good at kicking the ball in the goal. And people like it when that happens. That's tactics, that is.