Wonderkid snubs United for Real Madrid

The wanderings of Martin Ødegaard, 16-year-old Norwegian wunderkind and transfer target of half the known world, appear to be over.

The still-only-a-child, who in 2014 became the youngest footballer ever to appear in a European qualifier, spent a couple of weeks with Manchester United in the same year, part of a globetrotting tour that also took in Bayern Munich, Liverpool, Manchester City, Arsenal, Dulwich Hamlet, Mysterious Dwarves, AFC Wimbledon, Universidad de Chile, Harlequins, the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, Lynyrd Skynrd, Burning Man, MENSA, the Hashishin, the Hurricanes, Spinal Tap, the Knights Hospitaller, Harchester United, the Polyphonic Spree, the Monday Club, the Groucho, the leader-writing team of the Guardian newspaper and, thanks to an administrative error, a club sandwich.

But he's not joining any of them. He is, according to Norwegian newspaper Drammens Tidende, joining Real Madrid, who will stick him in the B-team and give his dad a job. Hooray for a happy ending. And those of you predicting an unhappy four years followed by a cut-price move to, say, AC Milan, we say shame on you. Shame on you!