What's the opposite of a transfer? A direct flight? A permanent tattoo? Whatever it is, Robin van Persie is getting one. For he, you see, is going nowhere. Specifically and especially not Turkey, despite Fenerbahce apparently offering him £220,000 a week to come and kick balls at nets for them.
No, he's staying with United for the last year of his contract. That's the Mirror's story: apparently Crockin' Robin "has decided he fancies another season at Old Trafford because he reckons the Red Devils are capable of reclaiming the Premier League title under Louis van Gaal."
Of course, with the newspapers full of rumours that United are pursuing forwards, with Wayne Rooney captain, with James Wilson lurking and with this one-striker formation working quite well at the moment, it remains to be seen how important he'll be to any such reclamation. But that's for later. Admirable boldness, Mr Van Persie, and we here at TBB salute you for it.