Hazmat suits on, ladies and gentleman, we're heading to the Daily Mail. The estimable Ian Ladyman — one of the more reliable ones, as far as United-covering hacks go — has an EXCLUSIVE, which goes roughly as follows:
Manchester United have told striker Radamel Falcao that his time at Old Trafford is over. Sportsmail can reveal that United manager Louis van Gaal informed Falcao of the club's decision at a meeting that took place in the last 48 hours.
"Sportsmail" is oddly quaint, isn't it? Anyway, this is no huge surprise: Falcao simply hasn't looked anything like the striker he once was. That knee injury appears to have robbed him of what pace he had, and doubtless moving to a new league and a new style of football hasn't helped that rehabilitation process. For a year's loan it was probably worth the gamble, but he's scored a mere four goals, and has done little to suggest that United should extend the deal or sign him up permanently.
According to the Mail, Falcao would like to stay in the Premier League and has indicated that he'll take a pay cut to make that happen. So we can look forward to his return to Old Trafford next season: United will sing his song, he'll wave and clap, and then he'll score a hat trick. Nailed on.