Let's get straight to it. It's TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY, and while you might be thinking that Ed Woodward will be spending it with their feet up, their phone off and the curtains drawn, the Mirror know different. Apparently, United are "weighing up" a £22m move for Benfica youngster Renato Sanches, about whom the Busby Babe is cheerfully ignorant.
Also in the Mirror — which means that the words are all backwards and you absolutely must not say Candyman — is information on a three-way scrap involving United, Southampton and Leicester City. All apparently want the services of Ahmed Musa, Nigeria captain, a quick and versatile forward currently playing for CSKA Moscow. Who want to keep him until the summer, according to the BBC, so that's probably a non-starter.
The Manchester Evening News seem to think that United are still looking to add a fullback, probably on loan. They don't have any names, though, so you can just make some up. Nick Powell might be off to Hull City.
The combination of TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY and United's relative competence on Friday night means there's a dearth of opinion pieces about where Louis van Gaal is going wrong today. Something of a blessing, if we're being honest. Go back to your lives, citizens. Or go HERE for our TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY stream.