Manchester United make late bid for Watford's Odion Ighalo, apparently

We wouldn't normally debase ourselves like this, but since absolutely nothing is else is going on at all, we're going to debase ourselves like this. Apparently, "Manchester United" are "in transfer talks" to "sign" Watford's "Odion Ighalo".

Let's play chase the rumour! The Telegraph ask "Have United been luring us all into a false sense of security?", though they blame the Metro. The Metro think United are "set to be active" — which is a rather exciting way of saying "currently inactive — but admit that the move "looks unlikely", and in any case are blaming Bleacher Report. And what are B/R saying? Well, we haven't watched the video, but since the article's entitled "Bold Predictions", we're happy to assume that this isn't exactly copper-bottomed.

God, that was depressing. But the circle of life goes on: a prediction becomes a suggestion, a suggestion becomes a rumour, a rumour becomes a news story, and that news story in turns becomes ... well, whatever this was. Maybe it was a weary yet inclusive gesture on the part of tBB to its audience: yes, we know it's all nonsense too, we're with you. Or perhaps it was a calculated attempt on the part of a profoundly bored tBB to appear morally superior to all this transfer drivel while still harvesting those sweet, sweet clicks.

We may never know.