Arsene Wenger blocks Manchester United's bid for Mathieu Debuchy

It never rains, but it pours. First Pep Guardiola, the greatest football manager of all time, decides to go to the wrong half of Manchester, and now Arsene Wenger has blocked Manchester United's attempts to borrow Mathieu Debuchy from Arsenal. Oh cruel world! Oh pernicious Wenger! Oh misery! Oh woe!

Ahem. This is slightly better sourced than that Ighalo nonsense: the Irish Independent cite sources in France, which we think means L'Equipe. The Telegraph, meanwhile, have some quotes from Bordeaux's president, who is playing things cool. "I do not confirm the arrival of Mathieu Debuchy, but it is a possibility we are exploring and are hoping for."

So, cancel those DEBUCHY shirts, rename little baby Mathieu, and see if you can find somebody to remove that full back tattoo. So far have Manchester United fallen that they can't even borrow an average right back from a club that don't need him. Mala tempora, friends. Mala tempora.